.. what would be a good word... ? Super-charging the nervous system, stimulating both the pain and pleasure centers to the point where the two sensations become blurred. You've been reading Carey, think of the person as a chemically induced anguisette, with every touch burning like fire or soothing like a cool breeze. Orgasm under such circumstances is hard to achieve and impossible to imagine."She paused, looking into the depths of her tea cup for a moment before continuing, "I saw it once, many years ago and I hope to never see such a thing again. To this day I do not know how she survived. When the convulsions and screaming finally stopped she passed out and I thought her dead. She slept for almost a day and when she awoke she was covered in bruises, the strain on her muscles had been so great that several had torn. It was terrible to see and understand what had been done to her." Her gaze was distant and her eyes had a haunted look. "The worst was yet to come. She cried, wept. That's one reason I'vepicked the wardrobe I have, so I dont get people staring at me.This isnt about making people feel sorry for me.Anyone who knows my story knows I've had a few bad things happen to me.But I know others with lives that make mine look like a walk through thepark. I've been pitied, while it can feel good to have someone empathizewith me, a person gets tired of being the object of pity pretty fast.I've thought more than once that I know people are judged by how theytreat "the least of these", but I would be just as happy if "the least ofthese" was somebody other than me. Frankly, I would like to be worth morethan just pity.This isnt about my rape, or "hating" being a guy.Look, my memory of those years is beyond hazy, but some things I canrecall, especially now that I've started working on recovering from myassault. And my best recollection indicates that I blamed my wanting to befemale for my rape. In fact my memory suggests that my rapist used thatdesire as a means.
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